In April of 2022, my life came crumbling down. 6 months prior, I had lost a dear friend to suicide. Three months after that, my husband did as well. And that April, we nearly experienced a third. My mind was spiraling in anger, immense sadness, guilt for not “doing more”, and total confusion-often all at the same time. How could this happen? How could someone seemingly so happy and content, take their life? Over and over these questions swirled in the depths of my soul, kicking up memories, reflections, insights, and a deep, deep, deep calling to do something. But what?
Being a life-long seer of magic, living in communion with the deceased, I knew their souls were soaring free, but I could not make peace with why they had to abandon their lives in order to achieve that. Suddenly, like a ton of bricks to the face, that deep, deep calling hit me square in the nose. What if you moved past the self into a life of magic, while you are still alive to experience it?
The embers in my belly sparked red-hot. It kept me up at night, staring at the ceiling in wonder. It hijacked my thoughts as I robotically moved through my days. It dominated my conversations. What if… you… me… we… stepped past the self - our physicalness, our structures, our conditioning, our limitations- into a life of magic, miracles, possibilities, and wonder… while we were still alive to experience what it feels like?
I mean… shoot. What would that even entail?
There was only one way to find out: it had to begin with me.
My life had been full of experiences of magic and communion with my Maker. I knew in my soul that magic was real. But now it was time to LIVE what I KNEW. It was time for radical, raw against-the-grain magic to come alive within me.
I had to prove it – to myself, to my children, to the world - because if I could prove it was possible for me, it would prove it was possible for anyone seeking a way out of the mundane, monochromatic existence. And maybe… juuuuust maybe… by sharing it publicly, I could help someone who’s struggling with the thought of ending their life, to not give up.
With shaking hands, a hesitant heart, and overwhelming tears, I faced everything: the moments, the memories, the experiences, the pain, the joy - and I committed to alchemize it all into magic.
I quit drinking, becoming a hermit for awhile in order to be successful in my quest. I hired a nutritional mindset coach to support me in rewiring shame-filled thought loops. I began writing the story of my life growing up as an overwhelmed, toe-headed, boisterous mystic who was as loud and wild as she was spunky and free-spirited. I cleared energetic debris that tethered me to people, places, beliefs, and things that no longer aligned with the magic brewing within.
In facing my history, I uncovered truth:
Life isn’t a collection of defining moments determining my worth. Life is a collection of the very ingredients needed to alchemize life into magic.
I mean… why not have the most intimate, magical, soul-shaking marriage? Why not raise my children to know what it means to truly be alive? Why not model what it looks to live a life of meaning and purpose? Why not step out from under the umbrella of familial titles and roles? Why not take full ownership of my words, my actions, and my energy?
Why not forge my world into a living, breathing miracle?
I knew it would be scary, lonely, gut-wrenching, and challenging beyond compare. I knew I might not survive. I knew in short order I could end up running back to my old life with reckless abandon. I knew I could fail, and that the odds were stacked against me. But I chose magic anyway.
Now here I am - alive beyond the self, experiencing profound magic every day, in every way.
Soul Shakers, living a life of magic is your destiny. Whether in some unknown moment when your soul leaves your physical body through death OR in this very moment, right now, when you decide and choose it.
It takes courage, readiness, and whole lot of grace. But when you embrace it, something extraordinary happens.
Fear loses its grip.
Possibility becomes your compass.
And you move boldly into a life that pulses with magic.
Because magic isn’t something you find.
It’s something you claim.
~ Jaimie
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